I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
