is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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