how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
