For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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