so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
