What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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