If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
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Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize