well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I queefed so loud it echoed.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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