i just wanna soil my oats bro
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
