I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
People in love make me want to vomit
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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