I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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