sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
