You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
