oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
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He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
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I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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