I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
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I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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