You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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