ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
