Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
