babies were throwing up all over the place
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
