Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
