i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
