It's Friday. Sex?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
My pussy is not your playground.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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