oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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