I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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