I think i sorta joined a cult last night
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
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it glows. i had to have it.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
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Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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