noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
