I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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