its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
