everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
