Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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