I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
