WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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