She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
