you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
the day after is always just damage control
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
