We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you traded sex for a burrito?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
