I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
