Already got asked if we're dating
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
