Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
