Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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