i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
