Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
