woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
