Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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