Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
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Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
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My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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