I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
