too bad you live with your parents still
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
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and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
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Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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