if you like me you must not know who I am
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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