how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
