chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You took a bar mat shot.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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