I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
