Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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