I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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