Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
