I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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