You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
