You just made me feel so damn special
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
