I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
