Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
She needs sedatives and a leash
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
