i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Randomize
