I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize