my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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