I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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