I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
