There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
